I don't know how I am supposed to feel. In the past few weeks, I've been extremely depressed. During the day, I put up my happy face at work and act like everything's normal. I have to. When I hang out with my friends (some of them know what's going on), I also put up my happy face. But at the end of the day, especially when I am alone, I jump into a bath trying to relax, and my tears would uncontrolably come out. I can't help but keep thinking I caused the failure of our relationship. The Ex is a really nice person but I was an idiot and did not cherish him. I was the one that pushed him away. Some friends told me that it takes two, and that it's really not one person's fault. I want to believe it. I don't know if it's really true or I just want to think it's true by believing in it.
The Ex used to be a home boy, but he has been going out, a lot, with this particular guy. This is not the same person that he went to Vegas with. They've been chatting for a couple months and started hanging out when we went on break a few weeks ago. Now they talk all the time on the phone like high school girls and hang out a few times during the week. I feel jealous, but at the same time I try and act like I don't care. I've been going to gay.com and other gay social websites trying really hard to find guys to make friends and hang out with. No, I am not looking for hook ups. I just don't want to feel lonely, and seeing The Ex going out so much doesn't help, either.
Right now I am at the point in my life where I don't know where to go and what to do next. I now officially declare that the year 2008 fucking sucks, BIG TIME!
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About Me
- Christian
- I am an Asian gay guy living in the United States. I spent most of my childhood in Taiwan and moved to the US when I was a teenager. This blog is about me, my life, people I meet and know, and the two different cultures I've experienced and melted together.
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5 comments:
If at all possible you need to isolate yourself with your ex. It's not until you can be completely separate with him that the healing can begin.
Not sure what to write......we've all been in this place and it does SUCK! I'm thinking good thoughts and sending up a prayer. I think time is the only remedy.......I hope each day becomes a bit easier.
E-hugs,
John
Sorry that you're going thru this hurting time my friend....hope the days get better for you!
xo
Yvespaul said it best. I hope that things turn around for you. 2008 might suck now, but if you find someone before the year is out, it could very well turn out to be the best year you ever had!
It does take 2 to tango or to make a relationship work. If things don't get better for you, consider going to some short term counciling or talk openly with a good friend. It's amazing how much better you can feel if you just let it all hang out, so to speak.
I wish you the best and will remember you in my prayers!
it wasn't you. he flaked out. time to move on physically so you can mentally.
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