Wow

Wow, Prop H8 passed... I am very disappointed at my fellow Californians. What is it that people think they can mind other people's business. We are not hurting anyone by getting married. If you want to protect traditional marriage, you should ban divorce, you should make women stay at home all day to clean and make supper for the husbands and kids, and you should ban black people and white people from getting married. Protecting traditional marriage my ass.

Speaking of my ass, it's lacking action lately. Not that it was getting much before. No, I am not a flaming submissive bottom that shoots flames out of his ass. I did have some talks with both of my boys - KY Boy and Pomona Boy recently...

Two Fridays ago, I went to see Pomona Boy. We went bowling and had a lot of fun, even though the bowling alley was very ghetto and pretty much empty. That night we went back to his dorm room and watched some TV. Nothing sexual happened, in case you were wondering. Don't get me wrong. I do like this boy and I am attracted to him. He's very mature compared to other 20-year-olds. He's passionate about the environment and wants to help out people in need. He does not have bad habits like smoking or drinking or drugs. He's just overall a really great guy. (Although he does need to do his homework more often.) I really never imagine that I could be dating (?) a guy that still goes on field trips. It makes me feel like he's my little brother and I just tend to want to care for those that are younger than me. I am not sure if my feelings for him are more "friendly" and "brotherly", or if they are more like those between people that are dating or in a relationship. Before I can make sure, I just can't do anything sexual with this boy and potentially lead him on. I am afraid that I will hurt him. I had a talk with him a few days ago and we agreed that we should be friends for now. Feelings do develop, and who knows what will happen after we hang out more and more, but as of right now, I don't want him to expect anything so he won't get hurt.

As for KY Boy, on the other hand, I know that my feelings for him are for sure the type of feelings between people that go on dates or are in relationships. He gives me butterflies, so to speak. It sucks that he doesn't think he's ready for another relationship right now. He's told me that if he would go on a date (a serious date, not just casual like having lunch or dinner) with anyone right now, it would be me. We are both attracted to each other, physically and personality-wise. We just click really well. Blame it on the bad timing, I guess. Anyway, we had a talk recently too about us. He told me that I shouldn't limit myself to only him (which I am not), and this makes me both happy and sad. It makes me happy that he is mature and selfless, and on the other hand, it makes me sad that he doesn't seem to want me that bad. Despite this weird strange relationship between us, we are really good friends. We started off being really good friends because we were in similar situations in our relationships, and we shared our feelings and craps that happened to us. So no matter what happens, we will be good friends for life, and that's what matters to me the most right now.

So anyway, you might think I am a whore or a player. LOL. I don't know which boy I should pursue or if I should pursue at all. I don't want to keep thinking both of them as possible dates or boyfriends because that makes me feel like I am a whore. I can't focus on more than 1 person at a time, but at the same time, I feel like I should, to explore my possibilities. Why is life so hard?