It's official. The Boyfriend and I broke up tonight. We tried, but it wasn't working. I've been depressed for the past couple of weeks. I drank a lot. I think I probably had more to drink in the past 2 weeks than all I've had in my life before. I also cried a lot. I feel so lonely sometimes.
I am going to ask for more projects at work tomorrow. Hopefully that will take my minds off things. I have also decided not to drink any more. I am not going to drink my sorrows away. It's not only healthy, but also just temporary. I am going to try very hard to move on.
The Boyfriend will become The Ex.
Will there ever be The Boyfriend v 2.0?
10/13/2008
10/04/2008
Coming Out - Part 2
Please see the post below for part 1 first.
So my friend and I decided to meet at a restaurant in Pasadena that night. It's like in the middle of us. I really appreciate that she drove all this way to have dinner with me and to talk to me. I met her outside and we hugged, more tightly than ever. As we walked into the restaurant, she said "You have to tell me EEEEEEEEEVERYTHING." At the time I still couldn't believe I had told her so I said let me have a drink first. We both ordered a mojito (yum) and then she started her interrogation, and this is how the questions progressed.
"How did you know?"
"How long have you known?"
"Did you date anyone?"
"Are you dating anyone?"
"Tell me how you met them"
"What was the sex like?"
"What did you do during sex?"
"How do you suck a dick? (My mouth always gets so sore, is that normal?)"
I am not going to type my answers to those questions here. Maybe some other time. I needed another drink after that last question. LOL. You have to understand... this is a friend that I've known since college, but we never talked about stuff like this. We hang out occasionally and talk about family, friends, and work, but that's about it. Yet there we were talking about dicks. She was very surprised that I was dating someone all this time since we met but she didn't know. She jokingly suggested that she was upset because I was getting some but she wasn't getting any. She thought I juts didn't care to date girls and was a virgin all this time. Ha ha ha.
We talked about our mutual friends and discussed who else I could tell next. I told her she's probably the only one. She said she felt very special and that she's always wanted a close gay friend. Now she wants to hook me up with "a friend of a friend" that is also gay, and she wants to go to a gay club with me. LOL She's hilarious. I am not a club type of person. I need to look up directions if I need to go to West Hollywood, but I told her we will go one day.
In summary, the night turned out very well. I couldn't have hoped for a better reaction and conversion with her. We had our heart-to-heart session that we never had before, and I am glad that now I have ahag friend that I can be completely honest to and hang out with without worrying about being caught staring at hot guys.
Have a great weekend, guys!
So my friend and I decided to meet at a restaurant in Pasadena that night. It's like in the middle of us. I really appreciate that she drove all this way to have dinner with me and to talk to me. I met her outside and we hugged, more tightly than ever. As we walked into the restaurant, she said "You have to tell me EEEEEEEEEVERYTHING." At the time I still couldn't believe I had told her so I said let me have a drink first. We both ordered a mojito (yum) and then she started her interrogation, and this is how the questions progressed.
"How did you know?"
"How long have you known?"
"Did you date anyone?"
"Are you dating anyone?"
"Tell me how you met them"
"What was the sex like?"
"What did you do during sex?"
"How do you suck a dick? (My mouth always gets so sore, is that normal?)"
I am not going to type my answers to those questions here. Maybe some other time. I needed another drink after that last question. LOL. You have to understand... this is a friend that I've known since college, but we never talked about stuff like this. We hang out occasionally and talk about family, friends, and work, but that's about it. Yet there we were talking about dicks. She was very surprised that I was dating someone all this time since we met but she didn't know. She jokingly suggested that she was upset because I was getting some but she wasn't getting any. She thought I juts didn't care to date girls and was a virgin all this time. Ha ha ha.
We talked about our mutual friends and discussed who else I could tell next. I told her she's probably the only one. She said she felt very special and that she's always wanted a close gay friend. Now she wants to hook me up with "a friend of a friend" that is also gay, and she wants to go to a gay club with me. LOL She's hilarious. I am not a club type of person. I need to look up directions if I need to go to West Hollywood, but I told her we will go one day.
In summary, the night turned out very well. I couldn't have hoped for a better reaction and conversion with her. We had our heart-to-heart session that we never had before, and I am glad that now I have a
Have a great weekend, guys!
10/02/2008
Coming Out
Okay... as open as I may appear to be on this blog, I am actually a very shy person. I take everything in. I don't pour my heart out to anyone. I hardly ever discuss my personal life with my friends. ALL of my non-gay friends don't know about me being gay (yes I am VERY straight-acting.). If you lay on top of me, you won't get burnt (because I am not a flaming queen like Paul is). So due to recent life-changing events, I decided to change how I act and interact socially. I will talk about what recent life changing events are later (or never ha ha!). Today, I made a huge leap forward. I told one of my closest friends (actually my only closest friend, and we really aren't that close) that I am gay... in Gmail and txt messages. Here's a screen-shot of my beautiful iPhone:
I started off by baiting her to tell me her secrets, but she didn't have any. She asked if I had any, and yes since I do have a lot of (Victoria's) secrets in my closet, I said "LOL tons". Then since she had a crappy limited text plan, we chatted online for a while. I told her I worked for the FBI but she didn't believe me. Then I just texted her "Okay. I am gay ha ha" because I didn't want to type that on my work computer. Who knows what kind of monitoring programs my company installed on it.
As I suspected, she was very surprised (see, I am really straight acting!). Half of our conversation in the next 10 minutes were OMG's. She thought I was joking again at first. She also said she did wondered why I never dated any girls but she thought maybe I just didn't care to. It never crossed her mind that I would be gay. Well, tough luck sister, life is full of shit and surprises like this. If my life were a season of 24, this would be THE cliffhanger of one of the episodes.
She then asked me a bunch of questions which I said I would answer over dinner. She cancelled her dinner plans with other people right away so she could have dinner with me tonight (LOL). I will let you guys know how that goes.
Anyway, I am just glad and happy that I told her. Right now I am still a little shocked and in disbelief though. My lunch must have been poisoned...
I started off by baiting her to tell me her secrets, but she didn't have any. She asked if I had any, and yes since I do have a lot of (Victoria's) secrets in my closet, I said "LOL tons". Then since she had a crappy limited text plan, we chatted online for a while. I told her I worked for the FBI but she didn't believe me. Then I just texted her "Okay. I am gay ha ha" because I didn't want to type that on my work computer. Who knows what kind of monitoring programs my company installed on it.As I suspected, she was very surprised (see, I am really straight acting!). Half of our conversation in the next 10 minutes were OMG's. She thought I was joking again at first. She also said she did wondered why I never dated any girls but she thought maybe I just didn't care to. It never crossed her mind that I would be gay. Well, tough luck sister, life is full of shit and surprises like this. If my life were a season of 24, this would be THE cliffhanger of one of the episodes.
She then asked me a bunch of questions which I said I would answer over dinner. She cancelled her dinner plans with other people right away so she could have dinner with me tonight (LOL). I will let you guys know how that goes.
Anyway, I am just glad and happy that I told her. Right now I am still a little shocked and in disbelief though. My lunch must have been poisoned...
10/01/2008
I Need a Date
I need a date this Friday night. Can anyone in L.A. hook me up? He he I am normal and don't eat humans. That should be assuring enough, right? Dinner and then a drink at the Abbey in West Hollywood perhaps? Omg how strange can I be to look for a date on my blog? :-)
Grey's Anatomy - Last Kiss
I watched this episode from season 4 of Grey's Anatomy last night. It was so sad... It made me cry. :(
9/27/2008
TGIW!
Thank god it's weekend! I am loving my new iPhone so far. One of the Apps that I have called WhosHere allows me to see who around me (geographically) also has this App, and I can also filter by interests (men seeking men, women seeking men, etc.). You can see what they are looking for, their picture, and approximately how many miles they are away from you. It is interesting that nobody sent me a message at first when I didn't put up any profile picture. As a social experiment (I promise!), I put up a headless shirtless picture recently, and now I get messages much more often. What can I say? Men are pigs...
Lately I've been having trouble sleeping through the whole night.... like... RIGHT NOW! I woke up half an hour ago (5:15 AM) on a freaking Saturday morning when I should be sleeping in. I somehow got a drug called Ambien on the street (ha ha) and took it once a couple weeks ago. Boy it was really fun. I woke up about an hour after I went to bed, and I hallucinated. I could see unidentified objects flying in the air and the window was glowing, sort of like an X-Files episode. The ceiling fan looked like a huge spider. The funny thing is, I KNEW I was hallucinating. I knew the objects flying in the air shouldn't have been there. I knew it spider-looking object was really the ceiling fan. But for some reason, that's just how they looked at that time. The Boyfriend told me I was just dreaming so I went to bed. The next day, I just had to find out what's wrong, and I Googled "Ambien hallucination", and surely I saw a bunch of sites talking about hallicination being a side effect of Ambien that happens rarely. Oh wow I feel so special to be one of the people that this rarely happens to. Needless to say, I stopped taking it. Then a friend recommended Tylenol Simply Sleep, which is non addictive. I think it's working. I just didn't want to take it last night because I was out drinking and didn't want to mix any medicine with alcohol. And now here I am typing this at 5-something in the morning. :-(
I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!!
Lately I've been having trouble sleeping through the whole night.... like... RIGHT NOW! I woke up half an hour ago (5:15 AM) on a freaking Saturday morning when I should be sleeping in. I somehow got a drug called Ambien on the street (ha ha) and took it once a couple weeks ago. Boy it was really fun. I woke up about an hour after I went to bed, and I hallucinated. I could see unidentified objects flying in the air and the window was glowing, sort of like an X-Files episode. The ceiling fan looked like a huge spider. The funny thing is, I KNEW I was hallucinating. I knew the objects flying in the air shouldn't have been there. I knew it spider-looking object was really the ceiling fan. But for some reason, that's just how they looked at that time. The Boyfriend told me I was just dreaming so I went to bed. The next day, I just had to find out what's wrong, and I Googled "Ambien hallucination", and surely I saw a bunch of sites talking about hallicination being a side effect of Ambien that happens rarely. Oh wow I feel so special to be one of the people that this rarely happens to. Needless to say, I stopped taking it. Then a friend recommended Tylenol Simply Sleep, which is non addictive. I think it's working. I just didn't want to take it last night because I was out drinking and didn't want to mix any medicine with alcohol. And now here I am typing this at 5-something in the morning. :-(
I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!!
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